


Giving Up, Giving Up

by SandrockTrinity



Series: Runaway Hats [2]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Coming Out, Depression, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Runaway, Threesome - M/M/M, implied illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:38:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrockTrinity/pseuds/SandrockTrinity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ross spends some time with Trott and Smith, it turns out to be an interesting experience</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Late Night

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Incomplete](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5953839) by [fleshcircuits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleshcircuits/pseuds/fleshcircuits). 



Smith had once more been out on his own, he hadn't told Ross anything about leaving as he was cooking food in the kitchen, and chit-chatting with some of the other people living in the hostel and Trott had been in the shower. Smith just had to get out of there and have some time to himself, safe to say that's not how it ended up. He had gotten into a fight with a small group of lads around his age. He had swung a pretty good punch at one of them an knocked him to the floor quit easily, but he couldn't take on the other two. After he had been knocked to the ground he found himself unable to pull himself up and fight back. He let them grab him, he let them punch and kick him. Why?  
Smith couldn't quit understand, part of him told him he deserved it, another part told him he was stupid to be out in the city at night. What was he expecting to happen? But Smith knew he had to get out of there, he had been on the verge of breaking or hitting something; it was just one of his moods. Like the other day, he had gone to take a shower and for some reason just standing there under the spray of water had made him feel terrible and he had cried. There was also that one day not long before Trott came when Smith had woken up and for the life of him couldn't get up out of bed; looking back his reasoning had been stupid, he had felt so terrible about himself and the rain outside had only made him feel worse. It had ended up with Ross curling up in bed with him pretty much all day. Just like any other day this had been one of his moods, only this time it had resulted in him getting hurt, and for once it was not intentional.  
Smith didn't say anything nor acknowledge anyone while he walked back to the hostel. There was a bit of blood on his forehead and he could tell that he had a minor concussion. His right leg felt raw from when he scraped against the ground and his back was killing him from the kick he had taken. As he stepped into the hostel he didn't even acknowledge Milly the receptionist and just continued on into the rest of the building. He passed the kitchen where he knew Ross would no longer be, down the corridor through the common room and headed to the little corridor where his room was. He paused at the door wondering what Trott and Ross were doing. No doubt having fun without him.   
As he walked in he was greeted by Trott sitting on the floor on his laptop, but there was no Ross. Trott looked up at Smith before closing his laptop and pulling out his first aid kit. Trott had seen this happen a few times before, usually it didn't result in him getting hurt, but tonight was one of those days. Smith sat on his bed and began to pull his boots off, he knew Trott was going to tend to him, even if he didn't want nor feel like he deserved it. But this seemed to be the tradition, even if he fought back Trott would insist on staying there. In a way it was good for him and tomorrow he would completely acknowledge that but now he didn't want to; didn't want to accept that someone was giving him help without him asking for it.  
Ross had seen these incidents a lot more than Trott had and Smith had apologised so much when Ross had attempted to help him, only to be yelled at. Smith remembered so well that kicked puppy dog look that Ross had given him before spending the rest of the night in the common room on the sofa. Since then Ross had simply stayed out of Smith's way and then a few hours later would come back with some food (whether Smith would eat it or not was another thing) and then wait until he was ready to talk or cuddle. Maybe it was just Ross' way of trying to be close to Smith, or him thinking this was something that was done. Ross had made it known that he had a very sheltered middle class life, and so it didn't surprise Smith when his mental health issues had sparked and he began to become awkward to even hold a conversation. It was't Ross' fault, he just didn't know how to handle it.  
Trott sat next to him and quickly get to work with cleaning Smith's face. Smith let him do it, but he could see the cloudiness of Trott's eyes. Smith knew that he had taken something, from how competent it was it certainly wasn't a dangerous drug, most likely just those strong prescription drugs that he had tucked away for harsh times. Trott quickly cleaned up the blood and threw everything away before returning and sitting on the bed with Smith.  
"Going to tell me what happened?" Trott asked softly as he drew his legs close to his body and subconsciously began to rub them. Smith noticed it all, he had seen Trott in pain so many times, he had even cried in his sleep one night out of pain. Smith wouldn't answer, he just shook his head and kept his eyes on the floor in front of him. Trott watched him for a few moments before giving a little sigh and pushed himself up against the wall and curled up into a ball, resting his head on his crossed arms. Smith didn't do anything or say anything. His mind was numb. There was a guilt brewing in him. Why should he be sad, looked after and comforted, when there were people like Trott suffering physical pain on a daily basis? He was just depressed it was nothing, he was just being dramatic, as his friends had put it, he was just seeking attention, it didn't exist as his family had said. Was he really seeking attention? Was that all depression was to him? His attention? Smith knew how stupid it sounded but his mind couldn't work out any other reason.  
BE USEFUL!  
His mind kept shouting that, maybe it was after all the years of his family saying that to him, but that was truly how he felt. Looking back at Trott he could have sworn he heard a whimper from the older man. Smith pulled off his jacket and placed it on the floor. He pulled himself onto the bed and next to Trott. He slowly wrapped his arms around Trott and let the smaller man curl into him, his head hidden in his neck and hands clutching his shirt. Smith still felt empty inside, he didn't feel like he was doing anything good.  
"Miserable together," he heard Trott mutter and it did make Smith laugh. Pulling him closer, Smith let Trott warm his body with his own heat. He squirmed a little next to him from the pain. Trott had explained that when he took the drugs the pain dulled so it felt like growing pains you got as a kid. Smith had laughed and said,'you could do with growing.' It had made Trott laugh, it was just sad to think that Trott would suffer from this pain every other day, sometimes for a full week straight.  
Ross entered the room with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, wearing a hoodie and loss pants. He smiled at the sight he saw, Trott practically curled up on Smith's lap cuddling each other. Ross had known where Smith had gone, it seemed to be such a natural part of their lives now, even if it had gotten less since he had first met Smith. When they had first lived together, before Trott, Smith was out almost every other night getting into some trouble or a fight, but now... It had to be once a week, maybe a little longer.  
Smith looked up at Ross with that blank look he did after being out before lowering his head again. Ross felt an ache in his chest, he knew why that face appeared. It always happened like this, ever since the first incident. Smith still hated the way he had reacted to Ross, but he had apologised and they made up; to Ross it was all under the bridge, but not for Smith. Ross walked over to his bed and placed his towel on the frame of the bed. Quickly he stripped and put a tshirt on under his hoodie and some shoes on. He walked out of the room and into the kitchen, it was almost dead silent apart from one guy who always seemed to be up late. Ross quickly went to the fridge and pulled out the container of pasta he had made for them. He placed it in the microwave to warm up, the damn thing sounded so loud in the silent room. Picking up a fork Ross picked up the container and walked back to his room.  
There wasn't much difference in the room from when he had left, they were both still in the same position. Ross placed the container on the desk corner closest to Smith's bed. He knew Smith wouldn't eat or if he did it would only be a few bites, but he still would acknowledge the next day that it was thoughtful what Ross did. Ross walked over to the bunk beds in the room and lifted the laptop that was on the floor and placed it on Trott's bed. He then continued back to his own bed and sat down with his own laptop working away on the videos he had filmed earlier that week.

* * *

  
It was late at night when Smith was woken up to little whimpers. Opening his eyes the first thing he noticed was how calm he felt, how almost neutral he felt. There were no bad thoughts, that things were his fault, that he deserved it. He just felt better. Looking next to him he noticed Trott still curled into him whimpering. Smith gave a sympathetic look and began to rub his hand over one of Trott's legs that was draped across his. The whimpering almost stopped and deep brown eyes looked up at him. Smith gave a small smile at him,  
"Hurts?" Trott nodded to him and his fist clenched tighter into his shirt. "Where?" Trott looked away for a moment as if to almost think.  
"Legs... Mostly," Trott answered. Smith nodded and continued to rub his legs. He remembered that Ross said that it had helped Trott before. "Thanks," Trott smiled. There was silence for a moment as Smith continued the small movement and hoped he was helping even just a little. Smith gave a small chuckle as he noticed how close his face was to Trott's, he could almost see every detail of Trott's face. Those deep brown eyes kept him still, not able to look away, they seemed so desperate, almost longing for something. There was a beat of his heart that felt louder than then rest and his body was filled with a warm heat. Trott broke eye contact for a moment before looking back up at Smith. Smith leaned in slightly to Trott, he was not really sure what he wanted. In a way he wanted a kiss, in another he hoped that Trott would say something. There was another moment and Smith felt a small kiss upon his lips. It was almost unsure, almost regretting the moment contact was broke. Smith had hoped for a kiss and here he had one. His free hand raised and rested upon Trott's cheek, he kept him still before placing a small kiss on his lips. Pulling away both shared a smile with the other. There was something inside of them and that kiss had been the start of it


	2. Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross spends some time with Trott and Smith, it turns out to be an interesting experience

Ross decided that he needed to spend the day on his skate board, he had gone to the local skate park and it had been empty. Ross would admit that he wasn't good at skating, he just enjoyed riding around, sometimes he would do tricks just to be adventurous. What he hadn't expected was for Smith to find him, he had expected his loud friend to be with Trott or off playing music somewhere. Instead he found his friend sitting on one of the steps to the park holding Ross' camera and by the looks of it taking pictures. Ross didn't mind, he trusted Smith with his camera but he wasn't to thrilled at being the object of the photography. He preferred to be behind the camera or even just in the background of a video.  
Skating over to him he smiled as he watched the camera lower to Smith's lap. Ross flipped his board and caught it before walking up the stairs to sit next to Smith. He smiled and placed the board on the floor next to them,  
"What's up mate?" He asked watching their surroundings for anyone who might be close to listen to.  
"Nothing. Thought I'd come and take some pictures of that sweet ass of yours," Smith chuckled as he clicked through some of the pictures he had taken.  
"What? Trottie-too-hottie not good enough for you that you have to come and find new talent?" Ross laughed as he took the camera from Smith's hands to have a better look at the pictures. There were a few pretty good action shots of Ross slowly climbing up the ramps, or even just doing ollies.  
"Yeah mate, that's what it is," Smith smiled back his happy self returning after last night. Ross noticed one photo Smith had taken, it was of Ross. Nothing special about it, it was him just standing at the kitchen counter preparing food. His face looked so serious at whatever he was doing that it made Ross laugh; he wasn't usually a big fan of his own photos but this one was pretty good, something about the light and angle made him like it. "Besides we don't have enough pictures of you, thought I might change it." Smith gave Ross a little shove, "at-least your face didn't break the camera."  
"What like yours?" Ross chuckled and placed the camera on his lap. Smith chuckled and rested his hand on Ross' hip. Ross jumped slightly with a little squeak. Smith's brow rose, he hadn't known that Ross was ticklish.  
"No mate," Ross warned as he jumped up from Smith, the camera now resting on the step next to Smith. Ross knew what he was going to do, Smith didn't really seem to understand personal space. Smith chuckled,  
"Get you later mate." Smith leant back and placed the camera on his lap. He almost looked like he was admiring Ross the way his eyes glanced at Ross. Ross watched as his large grin turned into a small smile and he turned away from him. "Thanks for last night, for the food and space. Even if Trott ended up finishing my food," Smith said quietly, "Sorry I'm an ass sometimes, just can't always help it."  
"I don't mind," Ross shrugged and took a step back to Smith. "Besides Trott looked like he needed some more food in him." Smith nodded and sat up. Ross sat next to him, a little closer to steal some heat from Smith.   
"He didn't sleep very well, left him with some tea and a note saying we were out together," Smith watched the little empty skating park in front of him, there was nothing to see, but it was easier for him to look at than Ross.  
"Yeah probably for the best," Ross nodded in agreement. Smith was quiet for a moment, he really didn't think that Ross had believed him when he said he was thankful for the support. He always felt like this the next day, that no one believed how genuine he was being.   
"Thanks mate, I really mean it."  
"I know."  
"It's just-"  
"Smith, I get it," Ross smiled and nudged him with his shoulder, "I understand." Smith smiled and leant his shoulder against Ross'. Smith stood up, grabbing the camera in one hand and Ross' hand in the other.  
"Come on," he pulled Ross to his feet who almost stumbled over his skateboard. "Let's go and get some food and we can get Trott some too." Ross smiled and nodded, he took hold of his skateboard and let Smith pull him. As they got to the top of the stairs Smith turned back and smiled, "I am really glad you're hear Ross, for Trott and me. Think we'd be lost without you."  
"That's a lie," Ross laughed.  
"I mean it. I really like you being here," Smith smiled with a squeeze of Ross' hand. Ross smiled and clasped his hand around Smiths.  
"I'm glad you're both here too."

* * *

  
Trott and Ross sat on Ross' bed watching through what Ross had already edited of their little adventure. Trott had been surprised at first when Ross brought a camera everywhere and pretty much filmed as if he was vlogger. It was strange but Trott had got use to it easily and enjoyed those moments, and enjoyed editing just as much. Ross would teach him little things for basic editing but Trott had become amazing at creating graphics for their never to be released videos. Ross said he might one day release them but only if he got permission from Smith and Trott too. Trott liked the idea of Ross doing it whenever he was happy with the videos, Smith however wasn't as happy, he said it was because of a part of his past that he didn't want them to go up just yet; although he did become very enthusiastic about Ross creating the videos and editing them. They were fun little memories to watch.  
Trott sat next to Ross, his milkshake in hand from the Five Guys the boys had gone to and was watching Ross filter through all the different clips. Trott was happy just watching, he got to make comments now and again but it was nice to just watch him work without having to worry. There was one clip that they were watching through, it was from their little day trip to a castle, on a cold snowy day. It had been freezing and they had all dipped into their funds to get themselves warm enough jack, Ross helping out Trott a little bit since he was short of cash. It was strange how Trott was feeling while watching it, here he was snuggling up to Ross while in the video Smith's arms were slung around his shoulders, as if they were a couple. Trott blushed at the thought, he had thought of himself with Ross or Smith; but before hadn't been the day after a kiss with Smith, along with the fact he was cuddling up to another guy. The more Trott watched the video the more his mind blanked the noise and just watched the video. There were some parts where Smith always wrapped himself around Trott or Ross and there were other moments when Trott would be so close to Ross that in one clip it looked like his arm was around him. All Trott could think through each one was that he was, damn they looked cute together.  
"Trott?" Trott looked away from the screen and up at Ross, he was smiling back at him, "you alright mate?" Trott nodded and smiled back,  
"Yeah fine, just watching."  
"No pain?" Ross asked with a little concern in his voice. Trott shook his head and his smile brightened, "that's good. I don't like seeing you in pain mate."  
"Believe me I don't like being in it," Trott said, "but your ugly mug makes me feel better."  
"Oh is that so?" Ross chuckled with a playful unimpressed look. "Well I better not move my ugly mug from your side." Ross smiled as Trott leant his head on his shoulder. There was a moment of silence between them as Ross clicked the next few files into the editor. However he paused and gave a confused noise. Trott lifted his head to see a video pause with a full view of Smith with his guitar in hand.  
"What is it?" Trott asked looking up at Ross.  
"Nothing," Ross replied. "Just don't remember filming this." Trott knew that Ross' memory was good, he could tell you every single thing he had filmed, including what the date was for it. A funny little habit but a cute one that came in handy. Trott turned back to the screen as Ross clicked on the video, it buffered for a little before it began to play.

* * *

  
_Smith was standing close to the camera, as if fixing it into place. Once the camera was stable he gave a wink before going back to the bed and sitting on it. He reached for his guitar and placed it on his lap. Smith was in one his burgundy shirt as always, a grey beanie on his head letting little curls of hair pop out and his lose dark jeans. He smiled at the camera,  
"Hey twats, finally found this did you? Was wondering how long it was gonna be." He paused and lowered his head for a moment before looking back at the camera. "Here goes nothing." Slowly he began to strum a song, it was slow beat to begin with but as he continued to strum there was a strange confidence that came over Smith._

_"I'm just a fool for being so cruel_  
You know how to do, so teach me, teach me  
How to be kind, can we just rewind  
Go back to the times that were breezy

_Free me from all, all this pain I’m feeling  
Please come through, come through_

_I’ve given up, giving up because enough is enough_  
We’re in luck ‘cause we’re in love  
It’s true, with you  
I’ve given up, giving up because I need, need your touch  
I miss your kiss way too much  
If I could only be where you want me to be I’ll be there  
If I could only be where you want me to be I’ll be there."  
There was a pause in Smith's singing where he just strummed and hummed, he missed out the second verse of the song and had gone straight to the middle-eight.

_"What good am I without you by my side?_  
The moment that I lost you something died, I just can’t lie, no  
But you’re the only thing that brings me back to life, ooh

_I’ve given up, giving up because enough is enough_  
We’re in luck ‘cause we’re in love  
It’s true, with you  
I’ve given up, giving up because I need, need your touch  
I miss your kiss way too much

_If I could only be where you want me to be I’ll be there  
If I could only be where you want me to be I’ll be there_

_Oh I’ve given up, giving it up_  
I said I’ve given up, giving it up  
I said I’ve given up, giving up  
I’ve given up, giving up."  
The strumming stopped and Smith was left with a smile on his face, he was biting his lip slightly, but his eyes were on his guitar. He then looked up at the camera and smiled. He gave a little salute before placing the guitar on the bed and walking to the camera. He crouched in front of the lens and gave a wink.  
"Later twats," laughed before turning off the camera and the screen went dark.

* * *

  
Trott was unsure what to think of the video. Obviously Smith had done the video in secret hoping that the two would find it when they were editing some of the filming, but what surprised the two the most was the date on the video. The video was almost 2 months old, and only now had the two seen it. 2 months Smith had been waiting for them to find it, and there was no doubt that he couldn't enquire about it with them about it. 2 months... Trott blushed as he remembered the kiss last night, it had been small and he hadn't expected anything in return but to know that Smith had liked him, no not only him but Ross as well in that way... Trott wasn't going to say he hadn't thought about the three of them together, but Ross had always presented himself as straight, or was that just Trott thinking too much. He glanced up at Ross expecting to see something, surprise maybe even horror, but what he saw was confusion. Ross' head was tilted away from the screen in thought. His brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over in thought, he was biting his lip like he did when he was nervous.  
"Ross..." Trott's voice made him sound timid. Ross blinked a couple of times before turning to Trott, he gave a confused smile,  
"Well that was a little unexpected." Trott let out a little chuckle, he couldn't be more from the truth.  
"Well, what did you think?" Trott asked, turning slightly to look at Ross. Ross paused for a second looking away from Trott.  
"It's nice and all, but I-"  
"Don't swing that way?" Trott asked the question, deep down he was kinda hoping he had got the end of the statement wrong, but at the same time he knew he was probably right. Ross bit his lip again, "don't worry. I'm sure Smith will understand you're not gay."  
"It's not that," Ross spoke quietly. Trott blinked in confusion and looked up at Ross who looked like he was having a battle with himself.  
"Then what?" Trott asked curiously.  
"I've never... I've never really admitted it to myself." It suddenly clicked with Trott what Ross had been trying to say. Ross didn't know what he liked, he had ever worked it out; he wasn't like Smith and Trott who knew their sexuality. It made sense, especially with Ross' background, brought up sheltered, he had probably never questioned himself much until he left home; just accepting what he was told.  
"I guess it's a bit of a shocker, especially since it's Smith saying it to you," Trott smiled placed a comforting hand on Ross' shoulder.  
"He said it to you too," Ross stated and turned back to Trott. "W-what do you think?" Trott looked at the video before back to Ross.  
"I think I like both of you," Trott smiled, "and I'm already lucky to have you both in my life." Trott chuckled a little at the little blush on Ross' cheeks. Taking a deep breath Trott leant towards Ross to be brave. He gave a little kiss to Ross' cheek, Ross turned as the touch faded and was face to face with Trott. He licked his dry lips out of habit as he leaned in to Trott placing a kiss on his own pink lips. The kiss was gentle and Trott smiled into it making Ross happy. He felt butterflies in his stomach and his body felt so warm. As they pulled away Ross wondered if that had actually happened. His lips tingled with the memory, but almost in disbelief he questioned if it happened. Trott chuckled lifting his hand to Ross' neck and pulling him down into another kiss, he smiled as Ross responded. There was the clicking of the door and footsteps, it was the slam of the door however that split the two.  
Smith had his arms folded as his lips were graced with that playful smirk,  
"Oi, I leave you for 20 minutes and this is what happens? Lucky I didn't decide to take longer in the shower." Smith laughed as Ross' cheeks turned a brighter pink than before. "Since when has this been going?" Smith pointed at the two with a wink.  
"Since your video Smith," Trott laughed as he turned the laptop to show the video. Smith laughed and shifted. He shook his head and threw his towel at his bed.  
"Was wondering when you'd find it," Smith chuckled repeating himself from the video. He walked over to the two and knelt at the bed, "so is there an answer?" The question seemed almost hesitant, not as cocky as Smith usually was.  
"You cheesy fuck," Trott laughed and leaned forward to place a kiss on Smith's lips. Smith chuckled and turned to Ross,  
"Mate?"  
Ross bit his lip but leaned forward giving a small, hesitated kiss to Smith's scratchy cheek. Smith laughed and held Ross close,  
"Come on mate. You can do better than that?" Smith leant in and kissed Ross properly. Trott smiled at the sweet sight, it was certainly right. It was certainly where they belonged.

 


End file.
